Book!

2012-01-12T20:49:00.001Z

Ben Bruce: I don't think you could skip with only one leg.

2012-01-12T20:48:00.002Z

Rachel: You can't deny your children guns.

2012-01-12T20:48:00.001Z

Ben Bruce: What was world's scotch egg what?

2012-01-12T20:47:00.002Z

Leo: Who is the world's strongest jew?

2012-01-12T20:47:00.001Z

Rachel: I love liver and onions, but that won't go in the blender.

2012-01-09T16:29:00.002Z

Joe: Swanny swanny scissor bag!

2012-01-09T16:29:00.001Z

Joe: I wonder how much a house weighs.

2012-01-09T16:28:00.000Z

Leo: Let's bullhorn a jam roll.

2012-01-09T16:27:00.002Z

Joe: Can you spray paint a condom?

2012-01-09T16:27:00.001Z

Ben Bruce: I think me and Richard Gere have got a lot in common.

2012-01-09T16:26:00.000Z

Ben Bruce: I don't like birds with big gobs. They kiss funny.

2012-01-09T16:25:00.002Z

Ben Bruce: I've got this way round, the gooch.

2012-01-09T16:25:00.001Z

Stu Walker: You can't download a car!

2012-01-09T16:24:00.000Z

John Kelly: Do parents do their own kids in the animal kingdom?

2012-01-09T16:23:00.001Z

John Kelly: Peados don't shout 'backwards'.

2012-01-07T13:55:00.002Z

Kelly: It's wonderful to be able to pop.

2012-01-02T16:50:00.000Z

Sabrina: If foods were sounds a pancake would be a bit of a laugh.

2011-12-30T22:07:00.001Z

Birdie: There aren’t any alien invasion films set outside America.
Ed: What about Aliens?
Birdie: But that’s a science fiction film. Outside science fiction, there aren’t any alien invasion films are set outside America.
Ed: The Day of the Triffids?
Birdie: But isn’t that set in Wales? Anyway, they’re not aliens, they’re flowers.

2011-12-30T18:19:00.001Z

Ed: Laserball Sunday!

2011-12-27T15:14:00.001Z

Sabrina: It's Dirty Dance!

2011-12-27T15:12:00.001Z

Sabrina: It's not James and the Pitch! It's Jack and the Beans -- or is it Peas?

2011-11-12T20:30:00.001Z

Jess: Did Leo just call Ben Vitamin?

2011-11-12T20:28:00.001Z

John Kelly: You haven't got the wingspan to bullhorn Hazel.

2011-11-07T17:06:00.002Z

Joe: There must be a porno called 'Gayliens' and they have dildos coming out of their mouths. Sigourney Beaver could be in it, she could go around being the hetero beast.

2011-11-06T13:51:00.000Z

(Talking about the new Die Hard film)

Birdie: Well I think it will have something to do with Die Hard or Die Harder.

2011-11-06T13:50:00.005Z

(Whilst playing Trivial Pursuit)

Birdie: I think they mean lace, as in lace, the thing.

2011-11-06T13:06:00.002Z

Birdie: Did you say 'ear mist'?

2011-11-05T22:11:00.001Z

Joe: I could be Devendra Moby!

2011-11-05T22:02:00.004Z

John Kelly: Balls are fine, not the lasers. I paid for the lasers, the balls came free when I popped out.

2011-11-05T22:02:00.001Z

Leo: Is it dark lighter?

2011-11-05T22:01:00.001Z

Jess: What point is that when you're at the end of a gun?

2011-11-05T22:00:00.004Z

(Whilst holding a pack of diddy doughnuts)

Ben Bruce: I had sex with one of these!

2011-11-05T22:00:00.001Z

Ben Bruce: How can you eat and fart at the same time!?

2011-11-05T21:59:00.004Z

Leo: I pinched a cat's head off.

2011-11-05T21:59:00.003Z

John Kelly: All giraffes are sexy, you don't see an ugly giraffe.

2011-11-05T21:58:00.002Z

(Whilst looking at a fish)

John Kelly: It just spaffs out a load of gravel!

2011-11-05T21:58:00.001Z

John Kelly: I wouldn't consumate a building.

2011-11-05T21:57:00.000Z

Leo: It's like clouding around on a cloud.

2011-11-05T21:56:00.002Z

John Kelly: I'm not sure I will.
Leo: You've got to suck on your wheel?

2011-11-05T21:56:00.001Z

Jess: Do you think could program a ball to help the other team?

2011-11-05T21:55:00.001Z

Jess: I hate it when parents or carers use their children or the disabled to stop traffic.

2011-11-05T21:54:00.003Z

Ben Bruce: I thought only Chinese kids were called 'Clarence'.

2011-11-05T21:54:00.001Z

Ben Bruce: I'm a yopper, not a yopee.

2011-11-05T21:53:00.002Z

Rachel: Do owls fly? Mice fly. Do mice fly? Only if they're squizzas.

2011-11-05T21:52:00.002Z

Jess: I've got allergic eczema that's allergic to heat.

2011-11-05T21:51:00.002Z

Birdie: Sounds good! Pony robot.

2011-11-05T21:51:00.001Z

Leo: You won't be laughing when you've got a printed kidney.

2011-11-05T21:50:00.002Z

John Kelly: Oh no! He's tracked me with his ears and my voice!

2011-11-05T21:49:00.002Z

Joe: Who is that? George Yoghurt?

2011-11-05T21:49:00.001Z

Ben Bruce: I started the quiff.

2011-10-31T10:35:00.001Z

Joan: Have you heard what’s happening in India? They’re not giving anyone any land and they’ve only got very little and there’s no space for the cows to graze and there’s no land left because they’re taking it all to make condoms.

2011-10-25T23:18:00.002Z

(Intending to say 'clutching at straws)

Kelly: Well I was just pulling at the bushes.

2011-10-25T23:16:00.001Z

(Upon watching Cleopatra's death in 'ROME')

Matt: You knew she was bitten by an Asp, right?
Kelly: Yeah, but I thought that was a donkey.

2011-09-21T14:55:00.001Z

Chris Noon: Can you go in a helicopter when there's a volcano?

2011-09-14T11:17:00.000Z

Birdie: I'm actually really sore, I don't think I am going to be able to lift my balls up.

2011-09-05T21:41:00.001Z

Matt: She's a Welsh opera singer.
Kelly: No wonder I don't know her, I don't know any Wales or opera singing!

2011-09-05T11:01:00.001Z

(Whilst discussing Crunchy Nut Cornflakes)

Ben Bruce: Just because it's got nuts in the name it doesn't mean it has got nuts in it.

2011-09-05T11:00:00.001Z

Birdie: Women only ever need one arm.

2011-09-05T10:59:00.003Z

(Whilst watching television)

Ben Bruce: Is this a program?

2011-09-05T10:59:00.001Z

(Whilst debating fuel consumption)

Ben Bruce: That's what we need! All roads should be downhill!

2011-09-05T10:58:00.004Z

Matt: I'm pretty drunk.
Birdie: I'm fine, I just want something soft inside me.

2011-09-05T10:58:00.002Z

Jess: Why is it called a 'deadline'? It's just a dead line?

2011-09-05T10:57:00.004Z

Kelly: I haven't said many words out loud.

2011-09-05T10:57:00.002Z

Lucy: How do you un-gay a baby?

2011-09-03T18:05:00.002Z

Joan: Can you look up for me on the computerGoogle red-eyed gravy?

2011-09-03T08:20:00.000Z

Rachel: I've got sellotape arm again.

2011-08-26T17:17:00.001Z

Birdie: What did Gandhi ever do for India?
Henry: He made bald people cool.

2011-08-26T17:16:00.002Z

Ellie: Who could you get to pick you up from the airport?

Tom: My friend .... ummm... my friend ......my friend ..... Dad?

2011-08-26T17:15:00.001Z

Joe: We're gonna get you so big you're gonna disappear.

2011-08-26T17:14:00.003Z

Birdie: What's in a kiwi that's wrong?

2011-08-26T17:14:00.002Z

Joe: Well, they shouldn't put all their eggs in one cellar should they.

2011-08-22T08:52:00.001Z

(Referring to side projects of a band)

Matt: If 'Two Bears' is them slowed down, maybe this is them slowed up.

2011-08-22T08:50:00.001Z

Caitlin: As soon as I put a rucksack on my back, I feel French. Do you have that?

2011-08-22T08:49:00.001Z

(Offered as a full explanation of what Twitter is and how to use it)

Caitlin: Just write a sentence.

2011-08-15T21:30:00.001Z

Kelly: Get some fruits out.

Matt: What?

Kelly: Well I said the wrong thing. I meant get the ball rolling.

2011-08-15T21:29:00.001Z

(In reference to Matt missing a party)

Kelly: Yeah, you were burrowing that night! You were burrowing in the morning too but in...a...sorry way.

2011-08-11T20:26:00.001Z

Leo: How are you lot?

Ale: OK, just had dosme peo.

2011-08-07T17:02:00.000Z

Leo: We're not watching that. Power of veto.

Bryony: We can watch that, we've got 'Evita'.

2011-08-07T13:34:00.001Z

Rachel: Shellfish are basically shit tubes.

2011-08-07T12:09:00.003Z

Leo: I'm sure it doesn't take Gordon Brown nine hours to make scrambled eggs!

2011-08-07T12:09:00.001Z

Joe: There was a goat called 'Microsoft'.

2011-07-31T19:58:00.000Z

John Kelly: I'll be fully lasered up before I die.

2011-07-31T19:57:00.000Z

Leo: Remember, remember...
Jess: The sixth of November.

2011-07-31T09:19:00.000Z

AnnaLouise: What's the opposite of potato?

2011-07-31T09:15:00.000Z

AnnaLouise: Did pigeons write Apocalypse Now?

2011-07-19T19:32:00.000Z

Sian: Can I have a sip of that fanta to get the chicken out of my head.

2011-07-19T15:52:00.001Z

Leo: I'm going to funnel everything from now on.

2011-07-19T15:51:00.004Z

Henry: Did you want the water for your mouth? Or for refreshment?

2011-07-19T15:51:00.003Z

John Kelly: Nobody drinks alcohol.

2011-07-19T15:51:00.001Z

Birdy: Brains are mental.

2011-07-19T15:50:00.002Z

John Kelly: Centimeters are a measurement of the brain.

2011-07-19T15:50:00.001Z

Joe: My mate is pretty big in the Beano!

2011-07-19T15:48:00.001Z

Joe: You love found objects.

2011-07-19T15:44:00.003Z

Joe: I've been taking my trousers off more regularly recently.

2011-07-19T15:44:00.001Z

John Kelly: What was the first montage?

2011-07-19T15:43:00.002Z

Joe: Not sure where I am going, maybe Axminster.
Leo: Don't go there, it's got the word 'mouth' in the name.

2011-07-19T15:41:00.002Z

Leo: I'm good at impersonating weather.

2011-07-19T15:41:00.001Z

Jess: For some reason you look like a small boy.

2011-07-19T15:40:00.003Z

Jess: You know when your mum taught you to piss outside?

2011-07-19T15:40:00.001Z

Joe: Why don't we get convicts to power wind turbines?